Today we had our annual Easter Sunday Family picnic at the park. Everyone brings something to share food-wise, some chairs, bubbles, kites, games... you name it, we got it out there. We all tend to eat way to much and have a great time with family and close friends. Today, however, was so hard for me.
There were a total of 4 pregnant girls there. 2 that were planned pregnancies and 2 that we not. I tried so hard to avoid the many conversations about how many weeks along they were, their cravings and baby showers. It just seemed that I could not escape it. At times, tears would fill my eyes and I wanted to just run to the car and sob. I was so happy to be wearing my gigantic sunglasses. I know people can see that I am not myself. I am always a super happy person. When I have days like today, I just get very quiet and withdrawn. It's not me. I just can't shake these feelings on days like today.
I miss loving the holidays. Each year I get through them by picturing it as our last holiday being childless. On Easter, I always picture the gigantic smile slapped on Chirs' face as he hides eggs for our little ones. On Christmas morning I imagine him handing out all of the gifts and helping to put the new toys together. And then the next year comes and still no babies. It hurts. A lot.
Our families are both so wonderful and we are very close to both sides. It is so nice because our families get along so well. We never have to split our time between two families because we all just celebrate together. My brother and sister have in-laws but my parents were never as close to them as they are to Chris' family. I am so thankful for that. I also think this makes it even harder to wrap my head around why God would not want to add to our family. There is so much love surrounding us. Why, on the contrary, are there so many babies born into families where there is violence and hate? I know He has a reason, I just don't know it yet. For now, I will practice more patience and keep praying.
Sorry for the depressing post on Easter.
Hope you all enjoyed your day and have a wonderful week!
7 comments:
Sorry you had a bad day. One pregnant girl is enough, I can't imagine avoiding 4.
Those things really hurt me as well.
I would always feel like I had been "patient" enough...why is this not the year that I know that I won't be spending this holiday childless again...
Hang in there are know that God knows your sadness and is there to comfort you. Even if it seems that he is withholding something from you...
I know exactly how you feel, Cori. I want SO BAD to be able to have children to give Easter baskets to and for my husband to hide Easter eggs for, and to see their faces light up at their baskets, and when they find an egg. It is getting more difficult with each passing year to understand why we still do not have children to do this for. We will be such good parents, it just doesn't seem fair. Sending you lots of love and understanding right now, my friend. XO!
I'm right there win you Cori. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that yesterday.
I was in tears last night because I don't think IVF #2 worked. I'm so tired of all this and having to come to terms with never having children or hitting the adoption route is overwhelming.
We will all find peace somehow but please god show us the light.
I so hope you have your own sweet babe in your arms next Easter, Cori. Sending you big hugs!
I've been there... and anything anyone can say to try to help, doesn't. Just know you're not the only one and it's ok to just cry... it helps sometimes :]
I really hope you never have another Easter like this one. It just sucks...plain and simple. I know there are so many of us that can relate. Your day will come...PLEASE believe that! Hugs.
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